Hospice: Why I chose it and who inspired me, by Gloria M. Gherman

When one thinks of hospice, he or she may think, “Oh, it’s where terminally ill people go to when they’ve given up their fight and they die.” Actually, the truth is more complex. Although I am a Pastoral Ministry major with a Religious Studies minor, I would like to use my degree for hospice care instead of working within the Church, since I could still use my major. For my Senior Seminar: Sharing Your Faith class, I chose Angela Hospice Care Center. Last Wednesday, I received an interview to get into the Volunteer Hospice Program’s classes and I passed.

Hospice is not just a “place to die after one’s fight seems to be ending” but rather, it is a place to celebrate one’s life as it is ending. Hospice is having family and friends remembering your life with you, all the good times, bad times and everything in between. We never really have bad days, just bad moments.

I have a compassionate, considerate, empathetic and mild manner. Some say I care too much, and that is true. I look at the world and life slightly differently than most people. I try to rely on my faith when I work at the hospital or with, God willing, my hospice patients. Given that I see death at times, I find it tough to truly know where they will going after they pass on because I do not know their hearts or what they might have done while still being alive. But then I remember what Scripture tells me and what Psalm 23 says.

Now, let me tell you who inspired me to follow my calling in hospice. It was my across-the-hall neighbor, Darlene Renee Savage. Darlene, her brother and I went to the same high school together but graduated in different years; I graduated in 2002 and she graduated in 2001. Darlene lived across the hall from me and, although we spoke, we did not speak every day because she was quite busy with working and helping family and friends, which is understandable. But nonetheless, I still considered her one of my friends.  

Darlene’s personality was one of a kind; she never really saw fault in others. If she deemed you to be a good person, she was your instant friend. She saw you for you and accepted you. She had the kindest of hearts, too. Her family, friends and faith meant a lot to her; she was a member of Northridge and would frequent their Bible studies. If someone would have a bad day, she’d say something comforting and would make him or her laugh or smile. She loved to sing, had a love for music, and she loved sports. She was a Michigan fan and Tigers fan. She followed the teams and went to a few of the games. She always encouraged her friends to do the best they could in this life. She was always so very optimistic and positive. She loved children and wanted to have a family.

In October of 2011, Darlene became sick. She started going to the gym four days a week, eating healthier and trying to be healthier.  She began to have lower back pain. She went to the doctor’s and, a few days later, she received life-altering news. At the age of twenty-nine, she was diagnosed with stage four cancer. Imagine being twenty-nine years old and having to eventually tell your family and friends,” I have cancer.”

She took the news just like any other person would. However, given that she was a fighter and wanted to beat this disease, she did not just sit there and cry (she tried to not let people see her cry, but she cried privately once a day). She and her family came up with a plan to try to combat the disease.

For care, she went to the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor, the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota, and Cancer Centers of America in Chicago, with Angela Hospice being the last stop. I was placed on mail duty. I would take care of the mail for her because I knew she was sick and needed someone whom she trusted with the mail. I always tried to keep tabs on how she was doing at this point.  In May of 2012 and after I graduated with my first degree, I saw her on May 24th. This was the last time I saw her alive. At this point, she was very skinny, frail, and had a buzz cut because she lost all of her hair due to agonizing chemo sessions and radiation. She lost the weight rapidly and did not look like the Darlene we knew. However, she still smiled and still kept that positive attitude even though she knew that sooner or later her fight would end. She also still had that laugh and she was still her. 

Darlene fought very bravely until she and her family made the decision to place her in the hands of Angela Hospice Care Center. Yet, I still remember that she managed to celebrate her 30th birthday across the hall.

At the age of 30, at 7:40 p.m. on a evening Sunday, as a beautiful sun set, my friend died. She did not die alone; her mother and aunts were with her. At the visitation and funeral, twelve hundred people showed up wearing purple, which was her favorite color. I was among many who spoke at the funeral’s luncheon. She inspired so many people, and I could relate, too, because my grandfather lost his battles, too. When Darlene died, she was only concerned about who would look after her little brother, family and friends. She wanted everyone to find something or someone that made them happy. She believed in the goodness of people. She believed in the humanity of others. She never looked at life like a loss; she wanted to survive and still be there for everyone. I think she understood that I, too, wanted to help her survive. I kept asking one of her aunts how Darlene was doing and, when they told me it had spread to her liver, I told the aunt,” Perhaps I can donate an organ.” The aunt shook her head and then it dawned on me. I said,” Darlene’s not going to make it, is she?” The aunt gave me a hug.

Her grandmother quoted Darlene: “I’m not afraid because I know I’m going to meet Jesus soon.”

Darlene inspired many people with how she lived and how she looked at life. She looked at life like this: Life us a gift, laugh often, love more, hate less, inspire and, whatever happens, know you did something well.

This is why I am choosing hospice, so I can help people and be there at their darkest hour.

In order to understand life, one needs to understand death. From the day we are born, we are dying. In the meantime, we must remember that the years do not matter, but rather, how beautifully we choose to live.

#livelikeDarlene.

“If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
The sharp knife of a short life
Well, I’ve had just enough time”-- The Band Perry.

I love Angela Hospice Care Center very much because they treat their patients, the family members and friends with absolute care, loyalty and trust. I look forward to working with them after graduation.