Guided journey, by Jamie Loper

The knobs from Jenny’s tires grabbed each piece of ground with precision as she raced through the twisty singletrack. Leaning her body to the right to guide her bicycle around a large cluster of trees, she reached maximum speeds. The wind in her face and the excitement of the ride made her feel free. Free from life’s many distractions. The uphill climbs were torture on her muscles and lungs, but it was worth the view once she made it to the top. Sometimes she had to walk her bike to get there, but she got there just the same. The danger and pleasure of the rapid descent over the bumpy, rocky territory were both exciting and scary. Overall, the accomplishment of finishing a technical trail faster than the last time was exhilarating. Not to mention the bragging rights awarded from fellow riders. This was absolute freedom to Jenny.

Today the late morning ride was exactly what she needed after the argument she and John had over his upcoming business trip and why, this time, accompanying him was not an option.  Understanding that it was nothing personal, it was still upsetting. His business took him all over the world, and he was fortunate enough to be able to take Jenny with him. She and John did almost everything together; they were not only lovers but best friends. The two of them met on a flight to Connecticut, he for business and she to visit family. Once they both returned, they were inseparable.He fell in love with her kindness and beauty, and she fell in love with his smile and sense of humor. Her love for him is what drew her to cycling. It was her way of getting closer to him, one more thing that connected them. To her surprise, from the very first pedal she mashed, she was hooked on the high that it gave her.

Most rides included John guiding Jenny through the twists and turns of the narrow paths, as he was a seasoned rider. Riding together was something that not only connected them but also kept their bond strong. Jenny did not typically hit the trails alone for fear of having some sort of mechanical mishap or worse. John was her riding partner. He was not only her know-it-all bike guy but also her keep-her-safe guy. He knew the trails and the accuracy that they required. Even though she was frustrated with him, today she regretted going out without him. Still, being alone in the woods did have its perks. Being engulfed by the smells of fall and the sounds of seclusion were things she did not take for granted. Jenny enjoyed every tree, every life form that met her acquaintance, and every breath she was fortunate enough to take on such beautiful days. 

To catch her breath and shake off the thoughts of missing John, Jenny pulled off the trail near a bench. Missing him would do her no good because being alert needed to take precedence for her own safety. Her stomach rumbled as she gathered her thoughts. Remembering that she had stashed some snacks in a pocket of her hydration pack, she decided to dig one out. Her first choice was a chocolate-covered protein bar that she had yet to try. She loved chocolate almost as much as she loved being outside in the woods. Okay, she probably loved chocolate more. After devouring the chocolate deliciousness, she took a moment to enjoy what the morning had to offer. The cloudless sky was so blue that it seemed endless. The leaves were as red as a ripe tomato and as orange as a fiery flame, and the birds were chirping in perfect harmony. It was a picturesque morning alone in the woods. A little more than eight miles in, refueled and ready for a few more, she hopped back on her aluminum steed and pedaled.

The sun was raging and streams of sweat dripped down the middle of her chest as she made her way over a large rock garden in a less-than-graceful manner. Although her two-wheeled machine was meant for rugged riding, it was not used to such terrain, and she did not quite know how to maneuver through it. Since Jenny was still a novice rider in the sport of mountain biking, she grew concerned that her skill level would not be able to handle the upcoming challenges. Especially since John was not there to make sure that she stayed on the less technical trails. Around each turn, the difficulty level seemed to grow. There were more rocks, mud, tight turns, narrow bridges, and sand. Sand is the arch nemesis of mountain bikes. Well, to her, sand was quite possibly the worst obstacle she could face. It was always a struggle to keep herself upright through large areas of sand. She instantly tensed up her shoulders and tightened her grip the closer she got. The inability of her tires to coast her smoothly through the potential death trap tested her own ability to control the bike. Each time, making it through, still in the upright position, was a test that she was thankful to pass. Slightly relaxing her firm grip, her speeds continued to reach the upper twenties as she rolled over another narrow bridge, then catching too much air on an unexpected dirt jump. 

Jenny lay motionless in the dirt in agony, contemplating how long she should remain still. It was unclear how badly she was hurt or if she was paralyzed. Was she not moving by choice or was she unable to? She had made it over more difficult jumps than that and was a bit mortified that she was no longer on her bike. The weight of the bicycle was holding down her shins and feet, but attempting to move frightened her. Her chest was tight and her head felt heavy, as if it was being held down. The blue and white helmet that once sat snug around her head was now shifted to the side. The neck strap was putting undue pressure on her throat. It was a feeling that made her uncomfortable because she already hated the way the strap tightly wrapped around her chin in an almost restricting manner. Every part of her body ached from the crash. She remained unmoving in hopes of letting her body recover.

Her eyes were focused on the trees dancing above her and the way the sun peaked through each branch, just enough to prevent the wooded path from being too cool on the mid-October day. The ground was covered in a rainbow of leaves and became increasingly cooler but somehow comfortable. The fingerless gloves wrapped around her hands allowed her to feel the coolness beneath her. Her fingers drew patterns in the dirt as she stared at the beauty of fall above her. She almost enjoyed the peace that she felt being alone with only her thoughts and the beauty of a world usually only seen from a sitting position. The birds serenaded her and the squirrels played hide-and-seek around the tree near her body. An overwhelming blanket of comfort covered her as more of the normally hidden creatures came out for a look. Even the chipmunks—which often wreaked havoc on her rides, darting across the paths just before she rolled over them—were taking notice of her presence. Her new guests and their inquisitive behavior offered a sense of contentment, making her feel unafraid.

Remaining motionless and aware of her slow breaths in and out, her mind ran wild with possible outcomes of her fate. Outcomes included her dying right where she lay, being attacked by a wild animal, or simply getting up, getting back on her bike, and finishing her ride. All scenarios seemed plausible in her irrational mind. Besides thoughts of her possible demise, the increasing sounds of the leaves crunching around her began to make her somewhat fearful of what was to come. Adding to her agitation was the strength of the wind, as it gave her the sensation that it was actually moving her. Awaiting her fate, she lay frozen. A multitude of thoughts raced through her mind about what was causing the rustle of leaves as it was swiftly approaching. She wondered if it was an escaped convict from the nearby prison, anxious to rid himself of this fallen girl and her unwillingness to leave, or it could be wolves getting ready to feed on her lifeless body, or maybe it was simply a deer sneaking around the trees to get a glance. “Get up, damn it,” she kept saying over and over again in her head. She began pleading with her legs to move, demands her body continued to ignore. In the meantime, the sunlight was starting to diminish, and she was growing nervous about how much time had passed since the crash.

Jenny’s heart rate increased and panic was setting in as the sounds from the breaking leaves got louder and closer. She prayed that whichever animal was there to dine on her meaty morsel of a body did it quickly. With her eyes tightly squeezed shut and her body shivering in fear, the leaves no longer made noise, and she knew whatever had found her was ready to make its move. She was terrified. Apprehensive to scream in fear of angering her potential attacker, Jenny convinced herself to keep quiet. Maybe if she appeared lifeless the creature would leave her alone. Despite her silence, the body heat from the figure made its closeness apparent. Something warm then brushed against her cheek like a wash cloth soaked in warm water. Was this the animal’s tongue doing a taste test before taking a nibble? She felt the warmth again across her face and down the nape of her neck. It was gentle and loving, not angry or aggressive at all. Slowly unclenching her eyes, she saw a large dog standing over her, a St. Bernard.

His face had a sad but calming look to it. The areas around his eyes were circled with black markings, and his eyes were big and brown and friendly.

He said, “My name is Charlie. Are you ok?”

She replied, “Other than being embarrassed and a little sore, I’m fine; thank you.”

Oddly, Jenny never questioned the fact that she was speaking to a dog. In fact, she invited him to lie down with her to enjoy the view from the ground. Meanwhile, the wind was getting stronger, making the movement she imagined with each gust seem more real. Daylight continued to slip away, and a chill swept over her as if the zipper from her jersey had somehow come undone, allowing the cold air to ravish her. Jenny’s chest suddenly became heavy and warm, and her body reacted with a quick shift. The unexpected heat momentarily warmed her in the brisk air. That feeling rushed through her a few more times as she and Charlie continued to make small talk. He asked her questions like how old she was, if she knew where she was, and how long she and John had been together. Charlie seemed so friendly and willing to listen to her talk as she lay so peacefully in the dirt, less anxious to move now that she had company. His fur against her body kept her warm as the air became almost too cool to endure much longer. 

The two maintained a steady conversation, but all she could think about was John. She wondered if he left for his trip while she was gone. He was still asleep in their bed when she left. She had left him only a note that she had gone riding and would be home before his departure. Jenny could not bear the thought of him leaving without a kiss goodbye or an “I love you.” They never parted without expressing their affection for one another. Their argument seemed so insignificant in light of her current whereabouts, and it was consuming her thoughts. Somehow, John’s voice was loud and present in her mind, saying “Damn it, she knew I didn’t like her riding these trails without me.” She expressed feverishly to Charlie that John would be devastated if he found out that something had happened to her, and she would like to get going. Charlie replied, “Just enjoy the scenery for a few more minutes so I can make sure that you’re okay to move.” John’s voice was still very clear in her mind, and she could hear him telling her how much he loved her and how sorry he was about their argument. Sadness blanketed her. Disappointing him was never her intention. She loved him.

Feeling guilty about leaving without him, she knew John would blame himself if he found out about the crash. He was her protector. John repeatedly begged her not to ride alone. He knew that her skill level was not advanced enough to ride in certain areas without his guidance. Although he often pushed her, he knew her limits. The anxiety of her mistake and how it would make him feel was overpowering her; a warm tear leaked down her face. Regardless of the unsettled feeling she had of disappointing or upsetting John, she started to feel some changes throughout her body.

The tightness in her chest began to subside. The once-present aches and pains faded. The sun vanished and there was only darkness. The coldness of the air seeped into her bones. Everything was silent and all of her fears had disappeared. Even though there was only blackness around her, she was happy. Visions of her family, friends, and John filled her mind.

While the faces of her loved ones occupied her thoughts, something moist hit her face as if it was beginning to sprinkle. This only added to her happiness. The rain never bothered her; in fact, she loved the way it felt on her face. It added to the sense of freedom that riding gave her and she welcomed it. A smile formed, remembering how crazy John thought she was each time it rained, and she embraced it like it was part of her. Jenny pictured him smiling and kissing her forehead. She was happy and thankful for his love.

John held Jenny’s limp body close to him, unable to hold back the tears from dripping onto her cheek. The paramedic, Charlie, held her hand as he had done all he could. Jenny lay still in the cool dirt, realizing that she was dead.